I had a request from a publisher to write a book since May last year, and I even started writing it, only to find out how difficult it is. The sheer energy needed to bring your thoughts to words. I realized it was not for me.

Last week the publisher reached out to me and asked what happened. I had not taken any money to start writing, so I could back off anytime. I told them I accept defeat and that I don’t think I have what it takes to write a book. I cannot focus.

Another reason is that I could not for the life of me stand my own writing. It was absolute crap. Moreover I did not find it honest enough. It feel it was a mediocre forced attempt that will make a person choose a bullet over the pain of reading.

My publisher said, don’t worry, it happens and that we can wait, just keep writing, don’t stop. After talking for some time we agreed that I will write a journal as frequently as possible and share it with him. It will be raw and not following any pattern. At some point if his editors find that it has the potential to be published we will do so, if not it will remain where it is, never opened & never wrapped.

I could post them here on LinkedIn or on social media. Why even bother to write a book? But lately I have been a bit reluctant posting stuff raw here on LinkedIn. The reason is I find that more people within my company are reading my posts 😁 and that makes me nervous and more and more conscious about what I write.

I don’t use LinkedIn for marketing myself or the companies I work for. I use LinkedIn to share my thoughts about life and career because for me they are so intertwined and will continue to be so as long as I am useful to anyone. The goal to be useful to the world till our last breath is a very honorable pursuit.

That said sometimes I do feel that these raw spontaneous thoughts can be misconstrued. They can make people make judgements about you, both good and bad. The fact is we are all different from our LinkedIn posts irrespective of what we say and believe to be. The mirror does not lie. Not yet….

As human beings when our digital persona and real life persona cross connect it can get confusing. I want to find why and how I should use LinkedIn. If it is not to market myself then what should it be for?

Most people have an agenda and I don’t have one 😂

I write because I feel the urge to do it. I will not write, will not read, and will not watch movies!if I don’t feel like.

But I will push myself to work even if I don’t want to, as I need my paycheck. A paycheck makes me really happy. It takes care of me & my family, hobbies and my idiosyncrasies. It takes care of my life. It feeds me and my dog. It helps me buy her treats.

It allows me to be happy when I am with her.

Don’t start thinking too much on what I said. I love my work, but never more than my life or my loved one‘s lives. Work for me is a means to make a living, not my whole life.

Thanks for Reading, because you reading it is a bonus !